Judith Duerk, in her classic book Circle of Stones; Woman’s Journey to Herself, asks:
How would your life be different if there had been a place for you, a place
for you to go to be with your mother, with your sisters and the aunts, with
your grandmothers, and the great- and great-great-grandmothers, a place
of women to go, to be, to return to, as woman? How might your life be
different?
This idea, when I first read it 20 or so years ago, stopped my heart and filled my eyes with tears.
This exists???
I hadn’t experienced this. I knew very well my mother didn’t have such a place. And was pretty sure my grandmother hadn’t either.
But it felt like something so real, and familiar. So natural. A place to be with women that felt safe, nourishing; full of wisdom, reassurance, and warmth. A place where being a woman was something special, delightful, and honorable.
This raises an important question. Never having had such a circle of women growing up or even in generational memory, how do we become women capable and worthy of holding such a space for ourselves and others now?
There is much to consider. When we gather, it is important to be mindful that…
…we hail from different parts of the planet, different cultures, and various
socioeconomic backgrounds.
…we may or may not have children, and we have myriad deeply personal
reasons and circumstances surrounding our choices.
…we have likely had wonderful experiences in relations with other women, as
well as difficult, painful experiences. This may affect our ability to trust or confide
in other women.
…we may have found ourselves in competition or comparison with other women.
…we’ve each experienced various challenges, accomplishments, successes,
and traumas throughout our lifetime that were possibly never acknowledged,
celebrated, or healed.
…we each learned to make sense of our bodies, emotions, sexuality, and
spiritual needs in less than ideal and supportive environments.
…we’ve probably all engaged in disrespecting another woman in one way or
another at some time in our life. For instance, perhaps we’ve (even
inadvertently)
- talked over another woman when she was speaking
- belittled a woman’s feelings
- tried to prove her wrong to strengthen our own position
- talked behind someone’s back
- “stolen” a boyfriend, love interest, or opportunity
- minimized another’s experience
- been distracted when she was pouring out her heart
- focused on ourselves when she was yearning to be heard
- offered unsolicited advice or a sales pitch when what she was yearning for was deep listening and someone to have faith in her
- or we just weren’t there for her when we knew she was in need.
(Regretfully, I can remember moments when I’ve engaged in all of these
behaviors)
…and, it’s likely we’ve all been on the receiving end of the above.
How do so many souls and influencing factors converge in a room together, capable of co-creating a warm, trustful, and fulfilling experience?
Would sitting together, again and again, in good times and bad, for lifetimes and generations, as Judith Duerk suggests in Circle of Stones, change how we behave in the world? How we interact with one another? How we feel about ourselves?
I think there’s something to it.
Our task, therefore, isn’t easy. We need to start from scratch, since the generational structure, wisdom, and experience have been lost somewhere along the way.
Here is the question to be answered by each of us when we sit together to ponder how to re-member the art of being in circle with one another.
What do I need from my sisters to support my growth and esteem; to feel
held, seen, cherished, and valued as a woman—a sacred,
multidimensionally intelligent being—and a pillar of this community?
Will you allow your sisters to witness the real you? (Only as much as you are willing and comfortably able to offer on this day, in this space… there is no right or wrong way to go about this)
This will be a sharing circle. Not a discussing circle.
Please review the Wisdom Circle Agreements before joining the circle.
Join us in the Women’s Wisdom Circle.
About the Author:
Jennifer Eva Sirel-Pillau, mother of two, is a founding member of the Council for the Revival of Matriarchal Arts (CRMA). Jennifer holds a bachelor’s degree in business administration, a master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine, as well as certifications in Ayurvedic Practice and Craniosacral Therapy. Her interest turned to matriarchy when it became clear in her role as a healer that virtually all chronic illnesses—physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational—share root causes that can be traced to the degradation of our social and ecological fabric. She studied matriarchal societies and matriarchal theory at International Academy HAGIA, based in Germany, with the institute’s founder, Dr. Heide Goettner-Abendroth. During this experience, she wrote a two-part thesis entitled “In the Beginning: The Real Meaning of Matriarchy,” and “Men in Matriarchy: Toward a World of Relational Integrity.” Her pen name is the name of her mother’s Estonian lineage.